Rejected Article for Newspaper That I Wrote

 

John and John Interviews

I was wondering to myself midway through this journey in life who to interview. It just so happened that I ran into my friend John Lee. Now John Lee had a lot to say about the book he wrote after finals.

“So John Lee, I heard you wrote a book what’s it called”

This question really pondered me by the toes. It’s as if Mr. Brown had used me as a bowling ball. Since I had heard he wrote a book. I Just didn’t know what it’s called.
“Well, John, I’ll tell you what it’s called”

I was befuttled by this statement. I had no clue how to respond since he didn’t tell me what the book was called, so I persisted and peered into his mind. So I asked him through interagation. I will not disclose my Machiavellian methods. So afterwards I got around and asked:

“Okay tell me”
“Okay John Lee it’s called To Love Perfectly”
“Why John Lee is it called To Love Perfectly”
“Well…it’s…about love John…”

This is the kind of answer I was hoping to get from him. I’m glad he finally came to his senses. I find it rather interesting that a signle jhit like John would be writing about love.

“How did you come to the idea of the topic of love”

            “Well you see John I was in the car with a certain Mr. Brown and the topic of perfect love came up. I just KNEW that I HAD TO write something about it. Now you see I’m not some ordinary joe Schmoe philosopher like Dr. Love. I wanted to tell a story—This story is completely fictional correct?”

I asked him because I was very concerned. I was so concerned in fact that I thought real people might think fictional characters are real.  “I don’t know what is real and isn’t real since I’m lost in the sauce that is the world of forms.” “I had a dream once, a dream of Plato’s divided line” “That’s really interesting John, so answer me are the characters real?” “They’re as real as the cartoons you see on TV” “So they aren’t real” I asked him for clarification. “No they aren’t real” I was pleased by this answer. It pleased me.

I was curious about the themes of the book besides love and I had heard he explores different types of love. This is what he had to say: “well you see I’ve been thinking what is love and what is the definitive act to love it seems there are many ways one can love. I could love the way the lights look on a summerlike night. Or the way a woman’s hand feels ever so soft when dancing with her. What does it mean to love… So I explored how one can become obsessed (imperfect or disordered love) and fall into depravity and how it is through the human condition that man can come to find perfect love which there go leads to happiness” I liked John’s response. I might have written it in a book and called it To Love Perfectly myself. I then asked him “So John Lee what are your personal favorite parts from the book” “Oh there’s so many…I love the part where Sebestien gets drunk. It’s really moving. I love seeing something perfect fall into utter despair to ultimately become more beautiful. It’s like a grapevine on poor soil. Yes the vine sufferes but the fruit it bears is of the highest quality.” “That’s a uh really interesting way to put it John. I think I just might have to buy the book how much does it cost?”

I was curious so I had to know how much John Lee would charge for a book. This is what he told me in a dream: “$15 paperback $25 hardcover. You can buy it from BARNES AND NOBLE (on their website) and the cover has the Shenandoah River on it” I then awoke from my acid trip and found myself by the dam. I don’t know how or why I got here. But I do know that I should probably get 8 hours instead of the 6 or 7 hours of sleep I normally get. As I walked back towards Regina Coeli I came upon a guy named Danto and he told me he was going to show me the way. I politely refused since I knew my way back to my dorm room. When I got back to my room I saw that everything was glued to the ceiling. I don’t know why or how this happened. Then everything turned green and this alien ah chud dude challenged me to a game and I again politely refused him. I don’t know who John Lee is but everyone tells me I look like him.